The Hand of God
One of the reasons for writing my book, He Did It For Me and this ongoing blog is to reach out to others, just as Jesus reached out to me in many hard times. He did not stop the problems, but He took me through them. I want to share my story, my testimony, for the world to see how real and alive He is and to know He died for all of us.
I am not a perfect person, nor were the men and women in the bible, David, Abraham, Noah etc; we are just forgiven. There were times I fell down and my faith was so weak, but in His great love He picked me up, and I started again on His road for me.
If we don’t quit, He will not quit on us. I know this is true because I have lived through it. In my hardest times of sorrow, I wanted to quit, especially when we found my husband dead at home. This is such a hard thing for me to talk about, but I know how powerful God is, and how He used this great sorrow for even greater victory in Him. We were coming home from church, my two young children and I. I opened the door and they ran in first. Oh! How I will never forget their ear piercing screams, as they saw their father hanging there before them in our family home. I tried to go into the house, for them, but an angel kept me from moving. Again I tried to enter, but again the angel kept me out. The angel would not allow me to see such a horrific sight being five months pregnant at the time. I do not understand why my children were able to enter, but I can only trust that the Lord was in control and He took care of them.
My parents who drove us home from that Thanksgiving church service came running into the house. They cut him down hoping they could save him, because his body was still warm, but it was too late.
When the police came, they told us we should not have cut him down. The days that followed were nothing but a nightmare. The police investigated it as a murder, his shocked parents blamed me. My children were devastated, and I was so afraid. It was a very dark time in our lives, but that was when Jesus carried us all through the nightmares ahead of us. He was there all the time taking care of us. I go into greater depth in my book; I know it is too much to express in one blog, but the most important thing is that God was with us.
I was in a state of shock for a while after. My neighbors and my church got together and sent food, gifts, and money. They came to the house with gifts for the children since it was the Christmas season at the time. My dad walked me through a lot of the events because I was not strong. Every night we would sit together and read the Bible and pray. I remember how those verses came alive; He was made more than real to me by the Holy Spirit. I thank my dad for being a faithful Christian man and being there for me when I needed him most. I pray to my heavenly Father for allowing this to happen, because now I see in hindsight that I may share my testimony to help others make it through their hard times as well.
No, it was not easy for us, people talked and questioned what had really happened. My family felt their judging eyes and heard their cruel whispers. I was just a baby in Christ at that time, so I was not sure of much, I only knew Jesus was there and knew all. One of the hardest things was my mother-in-law turned against me with such hatred and made it known whenever she saw me. I could not blame her because she was hurting so bad. Even though the police report said he did it to himself. His dad and other son knew the truth, but she still hated me.
There were times through the years I was filled with grief and lost my way. I could not understand what it was all about. I did not walk in faith, only sorrow; when my husband died, so did I. All these years later Jesus is still dealing with me to let go of the hurt, telling me that I am still alive and should continue to live on in joy. I really have never dealt with myself about this. I was too busy taking care of the children who were more important to me. As He spoke to me, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I remember I was sitting watching TV and praying as He spoke these words to me, “Let it go, you are still alive, so LIVE”. I have so much to live for, even though I am closer to the end of life then the beginning; I will rejoice in the Lord always. I can look around me and say “I am saved” . What more can I ask for? He gave His life for me.
Thank you, Jesus!
Psalm 37:24
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand.
Psalm 118:16
The right hand of the Lord is exalted: the right hand of the Lord doeth valiantly.